"Who do you say I AM?"

My heart feels devastated, fragmented.
I see it there at my feet in shambles; cast down and shattered.
As I gaze upon the broken places of my heart I look for a glimpse of my former self, of who I once was, but it seems that he has all but disappeared.
It feels as though I should grieve this loss, or that I should mourn or possibly be distressed.
Yet, I find myself strangely numb and unfeeling, a feeling I am quite familiar with.
As this insensitivity creeps in, I look all the more frantically at the shattered mirror of my heart, hoping to find my own likeness that has now been lost.
Have I somehow forgotten my own face?
Have I forgotten who I AM?

These broken pieces will never be whole again?
Will I ever be whole again?
The fear begins to set in now, and I find myself frantically snatching up pieces and setting my hands to the task of putting them in their rightful places, but they have become so shattered by the fall that I could never hope to restore this broken image to the Glory it once held.

How can I be made whole again?

In my desperation the fear sinks deeper within me.
What have I done?
How have I fallen so far?
Have I fallen beyond saving? Beyond redemption?
Who else but myself could remind me of who I AM?
I AM alone here, or so it would seem...

How can one recall what has been lost from one's memory?
Worse yet, how can one recall what has never been made known to them?
For truly this feels much like a dream, and I can not remember how I got to where I now am.
I feel as though I have arrived at a theater halfway through a film.
All I can recall is the sound of a heart breaking loudly as it fell to the Earth, and now here I stand looking down at its broken pieces.
Can I truly be so certain that this is my heart?
Was it even I that broke it?

There are so many questions that I am unable to answer,
and a task now set before me that no man could ever accomplish.
So then how can I be saved?
Who will show me who I AM?

My eyes begin to search around frantically for help, but there is no one.
All I can see are hills all around me.
How did I get here?
If only I could remember then I could know where to go from here,
but I have found myself lost here in this valley...alone.
Yet, what good would company do?
Who could tell me who I AM better then I myself?
They would have to know who I AM better then I do.
Is there such a Man?
My own heart has deceived me more times than I can count.
How could another understand it?
This Person would have to know me intimately inside and out.
They would have to be familiar with all of my ways,
Knowing each word from my lips fully before it has been spoken,
Having every hair of my head numbered,
Having known me from my mother's womb,
They would have never left me and would still be here now...

Who is like this?
Who could love so extravagantly?
Who could care so deeply...about me?
I have nothing I could ever offer such a person; nothing to attract such loving attention to myself.
How could there be such a Lover?
And if there were how could I possibly find them?

This Lover must choose to call me His Beloved, and reveal Himself to me.
He must be one who would rush over these hills and down into my valley.
One who would take me away with Him to a home that He has prepared for me.
Surely only with such a Lover could I ever be satisfied.
My eyes have been opened to what my heart yearns for...could I now settle for less?
What else could make my heart whole again, but this Lover and He alone?
Will He come for me, bounding over hills to my rescue?
Will I discover who I am, or does it still matter in light of the greatness of my Lover?
Could I ever find a greater identity than being His Beloved?
He has become my only desire as I have reflected upon Him.

What can I do now but sit and wait for as I ponder Your Love?
Surely You will come to me...You must.
See that my hands are open and outstretched to receive Your own.
They are weary from work and long to hold Yours.
They were made to hold Yours, my Lover.