"A New Law."

So there have been many things that I have been mulling over and wrestling through, and there was a realization. I came to last night while praying that has left me wondering and I wanted to get some thoughts out.

I have noticed that with understanding of doctrine and knowledge there seems to come a loss of wonder and life. I have been wrestling through various doctrines and teachings and scriptures and principles for a while not and I have gotten to the place where a desire to understand has become a hindrance of faith. There are many things that have lead to this conclusion and a few scriptures.

I have noticed that we are not called to lean on our own understanding but rather to acknowledge God in all of our ways and to trust Him to make our paths straight. Knowledge puffs up but love builds up. Knowledge never was nor should be the goal, love is the goal. Knowledge passes away, but love remains with faith and hope. I feel much like the Pharisees who Jesus accused of tithing a tenth of their spices but neglecting the more weightier matters of the law. I feel like I have been missing the point, and in my search for understanding and explanation to the things that have been mysteries for so long (as they ought) I have lost the love and the wonder that I once had.

Jesus also said to the Pharisees that they diligently search the scriptures because they think that in them they have life, not realizing that the scriptures testify about Christ, yet he tells them that they refuse to come to him and receive that life. This is where I think I have been, being content to read about Jesus but fearful of getting close enough to actually be changed spectating from a distance but not drawing near to find life and rest. Faith without works is dead and so to simply make a mental assent to the truth of who Jesus is without coming to him for life results in death, it requires an action, a coming to obtain that life that is offered. Faith is meant to inspire action and works, which is why Jesus so often cries aloud in the streets making extraordinary claims that he is God and that he is the bread of life and that if you eat him you'll live forever and that if you come to him rivers of living water will bubble up with in you. There is always some sort of coming to him that he calls us to, some sort of action must develop from faith or it is dead, and if we don't come to him to find life then we won't find it anywhere else.

The Pharisees were not the only ones who missed the point, in fact, those closest to him may have missed it more often than the religious elite. This shows me that I can be close to Jesus and still be missing the point very drastically, heck Jesus called Peter Satan at one point. So certainly by all means we are supposed to grow in our maturity and our knowledge of scripture and to properly handle the word of truth, but above and beyond that we are called to be like little children and to be dependent on Daddy for everything. God never intended or planned for there to be a point in my life when I could have everything figured out. An explanation was never the point, faith is the point, trusting is the point, relationship is the point. Even if I were to gain understanding it wouldn't really matter much anyway because I'm not supposed to rely on it or lean on it, I am supposed to lean on Him.

1 Corinthians 8:1-3, "We know that "all of us possess knowledge." This "knowledge" puffs up, but love builds up. If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, he is known by God."

I'm kinda tired of constantly analyzing and trying to figure things out when all God has called me to is simple obedience and submission. It makes me think of a line from the song "A New Law" by Derek Webb...

Don't teach me how to live like a free man, just give me a new law. I don't want to know if the answers aren't easy. So just bring it down from the mountain to me. I want a new law. Just give me that new law....What's the use in trading a law you can't keep for one you can that cannot get you anything?

"My thoughts are not your thoughts..."

So a wise friend of mine recently said to me (very unawares of the impact it would have on me), "The way that the world thinks of love and the way in which God thinks of love is very differently. We think that if you love someone then you should do everything you can to make things easiest for them or to just make things better, or to fix whatever problems they have. But this is not God's idea of love. God wants what is best for us which is often not just making things better and certainly not making things easier." (Paraphrased)

That has left me thinking for a couple days now about a lot of different things, and how that is really the kind of love that I want from God. I want Him to just make everything better...to just fix it, but his ways are not mine and my thoughts are not His. He does things drastically differently than I do, and it's not as though these moments of difficulty that we find ourselves in are a hindrance to the eventual goal of where He is taking us or as though it is keeping from what He really wants for us, but rather it is that these moments of hardship and pain are often the moment that He sometimes most wants us in because His goal is not to make us happy or keep us comfortable, on the contrary He will sometimes be militant towards our comfort and happiness because they are often things that separate us from Him and he will not stand for that. His goal is to transform us. To set us free. To bring us close to him. To make us like Him.

However....my goal IS to be comfortable and happy, and so often I find my plans and my goals at odds with the Lord's which leads to me quarreling with Him or railing against him and shaking my fist at the Heaven's or if my heart isn't quite that bitter simply sitting down in despondency and lies and feeling as though He has rejected me and that He doesn't care or that He doesn't love me. The only problem with this sort of thinking is the Bible.

But we see him who for a little while was made lower than the angels, namely Jesus, crowned with glory and honor because of the suffering of death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. For it was fitting that he, for whom and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, should make the founder of their salvation perfect through suffering. For he who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one source. That is why he is not ashamed to call them brothers. Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. For surely it is not angels that he helps, but he helps the offspring of Abraham. Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence. Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered.

So in response to my question of why? Why this way? why me? Why now? Why? God responds, "Because that is the path my Beloved Son walked giving you and example that you ought to do likewise." If it was fitting for THE Son of God to be made perfect through suffering and to learn obedience by what was suffered then how much more should I A son of God walk that same path. After all, He was perfect, but I am being made perfect. In John, God, tells us that He loves us the same way that He loves Jesus and so it only makes since that I would be made perfect by my suffering, and so suffering to Jesus was not evidence of His Father disappointment in Him or His neglect, but rather it was an evidence of His mercy, and His love, and His grace, and His approval.

Have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

    "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
   nor be weary when reproved by him.
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
   and chastises every son whom he receives."

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

I read through 1 Peter last night after listening to a few sermons taken out of it, and there were 2 phrases that stood out to me from the rest: "if necessary...", and "if it is God's will...". These things Peter said in relation to suffering... which tells me that there are times that our sufferings and our trials are by all means God's will for us and that they are not moments or circumstances that we need to be rescued from but rather that we need to endure as God treats us as sons just as He treated Jesus as His Son. this does not mean that God enjoys or delights in our sufferings but rather that He greatly rejoices in the perseverance and hope and joy and genuineness of faith that it produces in us, just as He encourages us to also rejoice in because they are means to an end of our redemption and our salvation. God's plan for the redemption of all things is one that includes each moment of hurt, or rejection, frustration, pain, fear, hopelessness, doubt, loneliness, poverty, desperation, or a car breaking, down, or a dear friend passing away, and so those moments cannot be removed from the circumstances that lead up to them just as they cannot be separated from the moments of God's redemption that will certainly follow them. They were all meant to be viewed in light of the whole of eternity because God formed his plan long before he made us out of dust and you can't plan the end and not plan the means of getting there and so these moments do not stand in opposition to God's plan but rather they are God's plan or at least a part of it. If we remove these moments from the rest of God's plans and intentions for us we will lose our perspective of eternity and of His love for us, and it seems to me there are two responses to suffering. Either we shake our fist at the Heavens and harbor bitterness in our hearts, or we echo Job and David saying, "Though He slay me....yet will I praise Him....may these bones that you have broken rejoice.", knowing that He wounds those He loves.

So take heart for your Father is treating you as a son or a daughter, and He disciplines the one He loves and rebukes the one He delights in.

"I will not leave you as orphans."

So I have been feeling very inspired by Spencer and Melody's blog where they talked about how they hid in a park or field in Italy just hoping they wouldn't be caught because they couldn't afford a hotel. Spencer wrote this:....

"We were disturbed through the night at the thought of getting caught. We had become like orphans not knowing what we were doing and forgetting our purpose and identity. God is a King and His children don’t behave that way. He had not come through in the way we thought He would only because our thoughts were only those of ones who believe their father doesn’t care and are set out to survive."

Jesus has been revealing to me now for a while how much i have given in to this orphan mentality that seeks to provide for itself because it doesn't believe that God or anyone else will or even cares. I've been living at a distance from anyone and everyone...even myself; scared to be hurt again; scared to be disappointed; scared to be unloved; scared to be proved right again; scared to discover that I could be right; scared that maybe they don't care....that maybe You don't care. I have been listening to the voices of liars and excusing it as caution, as guarding my heart, as holy living, but really it has been fear.

Yet, He has not left me as an orphan. He said He would come for me. That He would not abandon me. That He cares. He loves. For I have never seen a righteous man go hungry or his children left begging in the streets. God is our Father and he owns everything, and we are his heirs, co-heirs with Christ. We are told to consider the lillies of the field and the spwrrows of the air and see how they neither toil nor spin and God provides for them richly and abundantly, and He says "How much more will I provide for you....my child? I will not give you a stone for bread, or a snake for a fish. I know what you need what's more....I know what you long for. You mean much more to me than the sparrows and the flowers. Even young lions suffer hunger and want, but when they look to me I fill them, I satisfy them just as I satisfy the desire of every living thing that looks to me. I own the cattle on a thousand hills.The silver and the gold are mine, and I will give to you as you need if you look to me. Ask it of me and I will give you the nations as your inheritance and the distant shores as your heritage. I will rebuke kings on your behalf, commanding them not to harm you or lay a hand on you. Look to me and you will not be put to shame. Seek me and you will not be disappointed. Cast your cares on me. I care for you. Come to me if you are weary and I will give you rest. My yoke is not harsh, and my burden is not heavy. I am gentle and humble in heart. A bruised reed I will not break, and a smoldering wick I will not snuff out. How much more will I not turn you away, my child? Come to me. Let me satisfy your longing heart and fill your hungry soul with good things. I love you. I have given you my Son, how much more will I not graciously give you all things if you ask? Test me me in this and see that I don't bless you so abundantly that people see it and stand in awe at who I am because of my provision for you. I will never stop doing good to you. Believe me. Trust me. Let me love you. Let me provide for you. Let me serve you."

Our Father knows what we need. There is a reason that David never saw the children of the righteous begging in the streets and that because they looked to their father for food just as their father looked to their Heavenly Father for food. We aren't called to provide for ourselves, or just try to survive. We are called to ask. We are called to look to Him for everything. He knows our hearts and He knows what we need and what we long for. He wants us to ask Him; to look to Him. Not to settle, but to trust him, and to believe Him.

Jesus, was for us the example of the One who trusted his Father at all times, and loved Him with His whole heart. He showed us how to live with the Father, and how to walk with Him. There was never a time that Jesus didn't look to His Father or believe His Father's heart for Him. Jesus was so well provided for by His Father that Jesus was accused of being a glutton and a drunkard by the religious people of his day. This must demonstrate something for us. I know that I more often live my life in such a way where I don't trust God and I am scared to spend money on food or things I need because I'm afraid it'll run out. I call this being frugal, or better yet...a good steward of what God has given me. I believe God calls it fear, and unbelief. The point is not having much or having little. The point is asking. The point is looking to Him. Peter pulled a coin from the mouth of a fish that he caught in order to pay his taxes. The key is that Peter went to Jesus and obeyed what He told him to do.

A recurrent theme I see in the passages where Jesus talks about prayer is that we are given an example of someone who is not generous or kind and not a very good giver (a tired and annoyed friend woken from sleep in the middle of the night, an unrighteous judge, and an evil father) and the Jesus says if THEY would give to those who ask "How much more will your Father in Heaven..." Jesus is showing us that we are not calling on an annoyed friend or evil father and judge but rather we are calling on a Beloved friend and brother, on a righteous judge who is for us and not against us, on a perfect Father, and loving Husband....so how much more will he provide for us when we are his Beloved children, bride, and friends?

He has not left us as orphans or widows.

You Have Me.

Once again I don't really have a whole that I really want to say right now, but I still just feel this stirring in my heart to get somethings out. God has shown me the last few weeks or so how bitter and angry my heart is in so many ways, and it still feels this way. While I could easily sit and point my finger to people and circumstances in a way of deflecting the blame for my anger and disappointment, ultimately when it comes down to it I am the only one responsible, because we are not merely a by-product of the events that happen to us. It's funny I can remember getting that very same word for a friend of mine recently. God never ceases to provide me with ironic humor in the ways that His word is a double-edged sword and so whenever I speak it if it doesn't cut me and the one being spoken to in that moment I need only wait a week or less and it will cut me and penetrate my heart.

Yet, at the same time I can remember when a few days ago the Lord spoke to me and told me that it is not my fault that what has happened to me has happened and so I don't have to wear the shame and hatred of allowing my heart to get to this place. Even though I have sinned it is never God's heart to simply point the finger and expose my heart and my sin just for the sake of exposing it. He's after my healing. My joy. My love. My wholeness. My freedom. He is not after "better" external behavior or my begrudging submission to the things He reveals to me. He longs to change me and transform me, to make me new. Which is why he will often lead us places we had not intended to go to produce in our hearts a devotion and love for Him that we could not have gained had we not walked through the wilderness that he leads us into to worship him.

I have heard discipline defined as a parent's vision for their child's future. I believe that is very true. The point of discipline is not punishment or correction, the goal of discipline is love and growth. That we would no longer be like little children cast here and there by every wind and wave that comes our way. That we would grow in righteousness.

I often forget how different God is from myself, and so I become surprised when he does things differently than I would. This leads me to being much like the disciples at times. Confused. Selfish. Quarrelsome. Frightened. Yet...captured with a radical love and desire for this Man, sometimes not knowing why. This is where I find myself now. I find myself very confused about what God is doing and where He is leading, and what He is doing with my heart. I feel scared to keep giving it to him because often it feels as though he mistreats it. However, I believe it only feels this way because I am so unaware of the condition my heart is in and I dress my "wound as though it were not grievous" as Jeremiah describes. So when I hand it over to the Lord it should be no surprise to me that it needs immediate attention and surgery that will feel quite unpleasant. I'm not so sure that God really believes in using anesthetics so much either. It seems to me that numbness is the worst condition to our growth and being near to God and so it is necessary that we feel the pain fully and this leads to our heart being in a condition to fully receive his comfort as well.

Despite how much things hurt and despite how messed up my heart feels I am also captured with this desire for the Lord that were I to deny I would be denying myself, and so I here his voice beckoning me to return to Him and I can't help but come, despite my doubts and fears that he really cares. Like the disciples said, "Where else would we go?"

Yesterday while driving home I listened to the song "I've Seen I AM" by Jonathan David Helser, and I felt as though the Father were singing it over me. The lyrics that stood out to me most were, "I've seen I AM and now I know that I am loved." and "When I saw you Jesus...When I saw your eyes and felt your smile...maybe it was just a dream but I believe it was more than reality. When you walked right through my walls...all I could do was worship....all I could do was weep when I saw my King. I fall down like a dead man, but I am more alive than I've ever been. Oh God I fall at your feet like a dead man...but I know....I know...I'm loved...I am loved."

I know that if we just go back to Him...when we see Him we'll know that we are loved. It takes seeing Him as he really is to know that. He doesn't just want to tell us...He wants to demonstrate it.