Unusual and Uncomfortable Grace

So...I texted many of you about this and asked for prayer, but a few days ago I got in a wreck which the police have told me was my fault so I won't bother describing all of the details about. Thankfully no one was hurt and my car wasn't messed up too badly and the lady's truck doesn't have a scratch on it as far as I could tell. From the moment that I got into the accident I had a really supernatural peace and joy about everything. It all happened so fast but the first words that came out of my mouth were "Are you ok?....Ma'am....please calm down. Ma'am....it's ok...it's ok they are just cars....are you ok? It's ok....don't worry about it." Later, as I was standing on the side of the road looking my car over to see the damage, I actually laughed out loud to myself as I thought of the verse "Christ in you the hope of glory...." and I realized...my hope is not in my ca,r or my job, or my education, or my money, or my home, or my food even, but only in the Lord. Now if I were to be honest with everyone...which I will be....the first thoughts that came to my mind after I realized what had happened were not nearly as holy as the words that come out of my mouth first, my first thought was...."Man....I just got done fixing this thing....this sucks..." But still in the middle of that hard situation that was frustrating and surreal God met me with Joy and Hope and Peace and I can honestly say that since it has happened I have thanked God through out the day that it took place and more importantly that He is real and He loves me and He alone is my hope, and I don't have to trust in the "uncertainty of riches". Now....why did this happen....

Well, later that night I texted my friend from work to ask for a ride the next day and as I explained what happened, he texted me just simply "The devil....that punk..." and I laughed to myself and thought "The devil....no God did this." Now don't freak out I'm not going down the road of God's sovereignty in all things, but I can confidently say that I believe that God allowed...maybe even caused me to wreck my car. Why though is the real question? Well...just the day prior to the wreck I wrote this in my journal....

"I have realized now that I have grown comfortable where I am at, and though I would never say it out loud, I can confidently say that I demonstrate through how I have been living that I don't believe that I have much more growing to do. I live as though I have arrived, no longer straining towards what lies ahead, but rather growing complacent; I say I want more of God, but I don't live as though that were true. I'm not hungry. I'm not in need. I'm not desperate. I have enough and so I'm content...but all that I have doesn't satisfy because I simply have more things and not more of the Lord. 'Woe to you who are rich, and full, and happy, and comfortable, and loved, and accepted....for you have received your consolation.' A wife, kids, a home, a car and a job...is this my consolation for not having more of the Lord? Do I want to live with my hope in what I have now, or do I want to live with my hope in the Lord and what's to come, in the promise that one day all things will be made new, and one day I will be rich, and one day I will be full....that my 'reward is great in heaven', but what if it is already great now? Often I live in such a way as to protect my comfort...warning and cautioning myself from be too extravagant or faithful and obedient to the word of God, saying 'Don't give too much, don't put yourself out there too much to the point where you may get hurt...don't serve or love to well....don't take too lowly of a position. Look out for you. Save some for yourself.' I often live for myself rather than 'he who for my sake died and was raised'. do I really believe that He alone is worthy of my time and affections, plans and dreams, and my money and future? Or have I settled too much into the land of my sojourning that I no longer live here as a stranger? My money seems to be an easy and practical way of choosing God over myself. By giving it up, I am demonstrating that He is more worthy than my comfort and security; that I would 'rather suffer disgrace and hardship for the sake of Christ than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short while'. Ultimately, this comes down to a love of self. I want to provide for myself. I want to love and worship me. I want to comfort me, but that was made for the Lord. He wants to love and cherish and provide for me. To serve me. He is Lord. He is worthy...am I living as though that is true? Am I living as though the Lord really is reward and treasure...my hope? It is not that we are to seek out poverty for the sake of holiness of blessedness or sanctification, but rather that poverty ought to be a natural manifestation and result of true kingdom living...true biblical living of 'being generous and ready to share' (1 Tim. 6:17-19). And it isn't that I have to go somewhere extravagant to do this...but I can do it here and now where I am. And it seems that my money is the way through which God is leading me to begin honoring him and living as though He alone is my treasure. Giving now is a real and practical way to put my money where my mouth is and not only say that I'm all in but show it. The Lord is what I want....but I keep convincing myself to to settle and to be satisfied with less, trying to keep making the less work or stretch out to be enough or to satisfy which it will never do....only the Lord will satisfy, but I keep trying to protect myself and my comfort warning myself away from the extreme...or rather the reasonable...of giving and loving till it hurts. I need to not hold back. I need to not worry about myself. I need to stop trying to provide for myself. I need to give sacrificially and extravagantly for the Lord's sake and for the sake of those whom He loves, trusting that there will always be enough to go around. 'There is always enough.' Always."

So maybe now you see why I laughed after the wreck. God, in His mercy and grace, brought push to shove for me so that when it really counted I could choose Him over self, and His comfort over my comfort. God provided me the opportunity to show that He is more worthy than my comfort, more glorious than what the world values, and more faithful than the uncertainty of riches. He is better. He is worth it.

"Blessed are the poor for theirs is the kingdom of God....Often we read the Beatitudes out of context, we turn them into conditional statements. 'If I want God's blessing, then I better seek after persecution or petition tragedy.' But that's missing the point. These blessings aren't necessarily mandates, but rather natural manifestations of kingdom living." - The Kingdom Experiment